Modern Mommy:

The Affair I Am Already Having...

So I am reading the latest over at my good friend Corky's Log and I got to thinking about how I am spending the lonely nights these days.  As are the rest of my civilized friends, I am greatly concerned about the writer's guild and their strike.  This may not have filtered down into all of your lives yet, but no writer's guild means no network TV.  Let me lay this out for you.  A few months back when things had already begun to sour around the Modern household, I became ever more dependent on the TV and my beloved, the DVR digital cable box.  You see the truth is that I was having an affair of sorts.  I came to rely more and more on TV and movies to take my mind away from the drama and pain of a relationship in it's sad final months.  As with any slow death, it was devastating and heart breaking.  The only escape I found was in the plot of each sitcom, drama or comedy that came across the screen. 

I could get lost in someone else's problems, someone else's life.  Yes.  It is fiction.  But when a character you have known for many seasons and episodes goes through a divorce, or childbirth...  love and love lost or any kind of drama of the heart I feel like I am not alone.  In the hours i share lost in story after story, gradually the noise in my head stops and I can focus on something or someone else.  Sweet release. 

The DVR is my new spouse, and the programming our quality time together.  We laugh, and cry.  We fast fwd the commercials and eat unhealthy foods.  We are totally bonded.  I watch almost anything as long as it is written well and frequently includes people who feel the same as i do... if I am lucky it is much worse and then I can actually feel some gratitude that my own situation is not nearly "that bad".   Grey's Anatomy, a plate full of pizza rolls and a comfy pillow.  For that hour I am not sad, not desperately lonely for human connection, not just a single mom (I still can barely say that last one out loud).  So writer's guild, write on and write fast.  May God speed your talents, may you strike no more.  Go forth and create the must see TV that I cannot escape without. 

Here's A Few Minutes You Will Never Get Back

Ok... alright already.  Time to shake it off and get back to living my life.  So lets get a few items of modern mommy business out of the way first.  Clearly there have been big changes afoot for a while now.  So let's get to the good stuff.  The split, which we may now casually feel free to refer, is mutual and fairly civil.  You never really know what is going between married people and we hid things well.  If you are wondering what kind of people divorce with children so young, or who let's go of a marriage so easily then take a deep breath, and stop reading this blog post long enough to email, txt or carrier pigeon a note to your better half.  There is always a point where someone starts to let go.  Be careful with your marriage.  Ours ended because we learned that we were no longer right together.  Cannot say for sure if anything could have changed that.

Modern Toddler and Modern Pre-schooler were, are and always be priority #1 and we seem to stay on track when we keep this in mind.  Next we have some new titles to announce.  Modern X-Hubby sounds a bit much, and as we learned in our court mandated co-parenting class, referring to my first husband as the "X" is not appropriate for the kids.  So the artist formally know as my spouse will now be called such things as "the girl's daddy"... as in "the girls are with their dad tonight" or "my girls are with their daddy this weekend"  It's all a bummer really, but getting the lingo down is essential to divorce success.  It is all about the illusion of self control.  Who can be more calm, mature and act as if the situation, while disturbing, is just a fact of life that anyone could handle with little or no personal impact.  In other words, denial.  Big, fake and never ending denial.  My current theory is that if I behave as if this is just a starter marriage that ran it's course, then I will be that normal and well adjusted divorced person who is ready to get on with life.  I will let you know how that works for me.  Let's just say that it is failing in a rather spectacular way so far and I am up for suggestions.  People, divorce is craptastic.  And if you do not bring your A game, you will be laughed off the playground.

This brings us to the next modern divorce cliche.  Yours, Mine or Ours?  This involves marital and non-marital property.  The CDs I owned before we met, the DVDs we bought together, the picture frames, the silverwear, gifts to you from me... half of this and half of that.  Basically you can take whatever you want except your pride, dignity or self respect.  Make sure you leave half the memories, all of the plans you made together and at least two thirds of all the trust you built.  Pack the rest carefully.  It is all fragile.