Modern Mommy:

Modern Mommy And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

I kind of hate today.  My morning plans fell through, leaving me feeling a bit lost.  Took girls to the park, the slide was too hot for Modern Toddler's cute bottom and she screamed when I tried to put her in the swing.  I hate the near almost meltdown I just about had in the Target women's bathroom.  Modern Toddler screaming, Modern Pre-schooler will not sit on the big potty.  My cell is ringing, and my husband cannot hear me complain over the toilets flushing about how the refrigerator seems not to be keeping things cold and "why is that?"  I have applesauce all over my shirt, thanks to Modern Toddler and all of the women in the bathroom are looking at me because I dropped the sh bomb in front of them, my kids and my sticky green shirt... in a public place.   The house is a mess, laundry piling up and Modern Hubby is running late.  I hate this day, I am going to bed.

The Tune In Tuesday Travel Section

Ahhh the Honeymooners.  Do you think that the bathroom cabinets in the UK could possibly be as lovely as those here at home?  These are the questions that we must ask ourselves.  Modern Cousins have returned my email, we will talk about how they learned how to use a computer later, and we have lots of new and exciting things to talk about friends!

First, I have a narrowed itinerary from the happy couple (and in-laws) and between you and I we must come up with a firm plan.  Here is what I know: Our choices follow... Hotels in London, hotels in Manchester and hotels in Birmingham.  The plot thickens.  Lucky for me the site I have used to do some of my research is going to work out nicely.  My cousins also want the dish on the big touristy attractions, things to do and see etc.  Conveniently enough "...Cheaperthanhotels offers last minute and year round accommodations with free inclusions at prices often less than directly at the hotel , hostels or serviced apartments."  Whew, that is a load off.  Now to the fun part.  Have I  mentioned how jealous Modern Mommy is becoming as this honeymoon that I am not taking starts looking better and better?  Damn my own creativity and intelligence.

So, stuff to do in London.  The obvious.

Could not resist this one.  Back to London. 

I am way past jealous now, such is life.  Modern Mommy does still get to go out to the bank, grocery store and the pharmacy.  What a life I lead.  How about Birmingham... lots to see there too!

And the lovely Manchester, of course.  Manchester United!  Love, love, love soccer football!

I wanted to suggest the Museum of Science and Industry.  To honeymooners?  Yeah, I can see where you are going with this.  But how can you resist this huge museum built on the oldest passenger railway station in the world!  It sits on 7 1/2 acres and has tons of special exhibitions.  Not sold huh?  Well, I promised to research all three of these great cities, complete with photos, so why not pass along all the crap fun stuff that I have learned in this endeavor.  How do I get roped into this stuff?  It cannot be my fault that this particular side of the family went swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.  There must be something in this for me.  Oh yeah.  Blog material!  It is all worth it.

   

Spotlight Crabmommy

Crabmommy reads my page.  It is sort of surreal to even type that.  Have you ever loved and admired a popular and accomplished blogger so much that you almost peed your pants?  This is how I felt when little me got a personal email from the famous LA Daddy and then some comments, and then the coup of all time, a guest post for my irregular feature Tune In Tuesdays!  I was in uber blogging heaven.  And now, just out of the blue, there's Crabmommy reading my blog.  And it wasn't even a good post!  My hair looked bad, the house was a mess and I know I missed something in spell check. She was here, commenting and all.

Have you heard?  Do you know all about her?  She is my biggest fan and I read her page like it was an advanced copy of the Harry Potter manuscript.  She was one of the first bloggers I discovered when i was new on the block and she actually taught me how to write a funny, imaginative and clever post.  Not personally or anything, I just kind of stalked her until she said something nice to me in a comment on her page.  But the judge lifted the TRO and we are BFF again.  I look to her for inspiration, and love reading her adventures with Crabtot and all in Crabville.  Here (without permission, so I hope this goes over well) in all it's glory and plagiarism, is Crabmommy's Manifesto:

"On this (her) website I will never: *speak of the enchanting constant joy and transformative wonderment of motherhood *dispense little nuggets about what my child has taught me *tell any mom to stop and smell the diapers "because it all goes by in the blink of an eye" *make jokes about bowel movements and baby body fluids (because it's not my thing and it can be found abundantly elsewhere) *use the word "miracle" *count my blessings *chart my child's developmental milestones *seem to be in a good or grateful mood *tolerate personal meanness. I keep it general. On this website I will: *laugh at myself *laugh at others *laugh at rural momming *laugh at urban momming *mock the Stokke highchair *covet the Stokke highchair Disclaimer: Let me say once for the record: like any mother I adore my own tot, think she is more brilliant, beautiful and gifted than yours, but this goes without saying. So I'm not going to say it (again). Rather, I vow to use my precious bloody-little time to talk about the martyrdom, misery, and otherwise wretched vibe of momhood, pausing VERY often to drown myself in a vat of self-pity and whining. Welcome!"

Check her out and read posts like, Lord Have Mercy On Crabmommy" and my personal fav as I am in fact an LDS blogging "Mormon mommy" entitled "Jesus, Mary and Joseph Smith... The Mormons are coming for me!"  I must admit, she makes me laugh and once I pick up what is left of my Mormon pride and remember to forgive her because I am such a good Christian blogging mommy.....  (LOL  That is the first and last time I will be referring to myself in that way.  It even felt creepy to type it.)  ...I go right back to reading about about the Crab Rodeo.  Seriously... No home schooling here and I have had so much pitocin I could give birth to 10 sweet little door knocking Mormons in training...  I only currently have two daughters and have NO concrete plans to add another 7 or 8 to the family.  I can hardly spin the laundry I have into outer space (please read details of orbiting laundry here and here) and remember to take an anxiety pill let alone replenish the earth.  I too have blogged about the Mormons and our questionable hugging practices, please read here and compare and contrast.  But I digress.

So read my friends, read on!  Check out her page at your earliest convenience.  A great big thanks to my friend Crabmommy, I dedicate this post and hope to simply gain her respect and not so much as actually get her to author a guest post for Tune in Tuesdays, although that would be divine indeed.

Countdown

We are now 19 hours from launching Grandma back in to space on a big airplane to fly all the way to Oregon.  It has been a lovely visit, Modern Toddler and Modern Pre-schooler have been spoiled with attention and love and we are not sure if we will be able to console them in their hour of need tomorrow when Modern Grandma goes bye bye and leaves Modern Mommy and Modern Daddy left to pick the pieces of their broken hearts.  Also, Modern Toddler got new Dora The Explorer big girl panties, so we are thinking this may be some sort of consolation, although we are not hopeful.  More on Modern Family's adventures with Grandma and another episode of the Honeymooners when we go back on the air next week.  Happy weekend all!

The Honeymooners

We find ourselves, once again, in the uncomfortable - yet familiar setting of planning the monumental and very personal honeymoon experience for a couple in whose guest bathroom we have not even set foot.  We hear the cabinets are real nice.  As the blessed event approaches, I find myself immersed in the world of Internet travel destinations, hot deals, impressive packages and the damn conversion of the US dollar to the pesky little Euro.  Our word of the day.  Cheap.  Thus the site I plan to use for this romantic adventure.  Planned by someone they hardly know.  Who has never been to the UK.  And doesn't own a Ford.  In addition to surfing on the wrong side of the webpage, there are many things one must consider when reviewing and reserving a hotel in the UK.

Unfortunately I do not know any of them.

So back to the happy couple.  After the pricey bathroom cabinet remodel I was given clear instructions on the ordering of the wedding invites, thank you cousin so and so.  Even though the groom's family will be paying for said honeymoon (subject to the aforementioned stipulations) they too have recently done some work to what is lovingly referred to as the trophy case.  This is simply a monument to taxidermy and should you insist on picturing this in your mind please imagine yourself in a rerun of wild kingdom only with less actual magnificent nature and beauty and more army green and hunting rifle.  We almost considered a similar look for our family room but ended going with something I saw in a Pottery Barn Catalog.

When one is considering a vacation or honeymoon to the UK it helps to understand what wankers Americans are and embrace that we may be mocked and shamed at every turn.  By this logic, and the natural inclinations of honeymooners to stay locked away in hotel rooms for many hours at a time, it is utterly crucial to make the right hotel choice .  In the event of a pitch fork wielding mob, it may be helpful to have cheap and safe harbor from the storm.  If you are thinking of undertaking similar silliness, may I recommend clicking here for my new super duper favorite cheap UK travel site: cheaperthenhotels.co.uk/United-Kingdom/

Thank you Google, I was sold after the first click.

I have given much thought to the obstacles my particular breed of cousin might be faced with and I cannot help but assume this will be a communication issue.  Not that I believe my family to slightly less than articulate, I just think there might be confusion.  First, my family is big on a large family style breakfast.  I fear that biscuits and gravy may be met with some doubt as biscuits are cookies in the UK.  This is only one example and I have decided to give my cousins and any of you who might be traveling in this direction a few pointers coming straight from Modern Friend, Modern Mommy's BFF Bev who hails from this truly great United Kingdom.

"Don't get your knickers in a bunch, the Lou is right there"  Translation, quit making such a scene you ridiculous American, the bathroom is just around the corner.  The other stuff like elevators being called lifts and the whole fizzy pop meaning soda thing is pretty common.  This is what I must remind my dear cousins about.  Do not talk about politics, do not wear your American flag button down flannel PJs and then ring for room service and do not wear khaki shorts, white socks and sandals.  These are fairly obvious over there and may or may not make you a walking target.

There is more, so much more, but this post must end somewhere.  Tune in next week as Modern Family returns to our regularly scheduled programming after Modern Grandma's departure.

Part Three of The Modern Family Wedding Saga

I am so excited to report that I will be assisting the happy couple in their quest for a cheap honeymoon.  I am all a twitter with ideas and can hardly type straight at the possibility of another installment in these wedding chronicles.  It is certainly not of Harry Potter proportions, also none of the wedding party will be dying, despite all attempts from the catering staff.  Never the less, I will be inviting you all to take another journey with me and my crazy, penny pinching family.  Pop the top of your warm beer, fire up the bug zapper, park your car anywhere on the lawn and settle in for another adventure in the Modern Family Wedding that I like to call Mama's Family meets US customs.  That's right, we are doin' it up really fancy like... all the way over to the United Kingdom. It's going to be a bloody good time.  Stay tuned.

Who's Your Daddy?

Men who change diapers rule.  Daddies are the new mommies I think.  Women have always found the daddy types attractive.  Something about finding that nurturing, loving quality in a man gives us hope for our relationships.  Kinda makes us feel that we have more in common than not, bridges the gap between the sexes a little.  How lucky are we to have husbands that take daddy hood so seriously!  Modern Hubby takes the girls out for hours, plays with them at parks, reads them stories and puts them to bed.  Not to mention getting up in the middle of the night to wipe a runny nose and comfort a nightmare.  He is the most involved daddy I know and I was thinking about a way I might be able to shout that to the world. 

Just guess what I found...  LOL Ok I went looking for some cool stuff and stumbled upon the funniest, most trendy and some what ridiculous website.  You gotta this out check out.  If you are preggers and proud, have an awesome involved daddy in the house or want to drop some serious cash on baby clothes, this is the site for you.  I think my fav was the T-shirt for daddies that says "Good Daddies Are Hot" and #2 with a bullet... "Phat Papa"  Can you imagine your hubby wearing that shirt and a baby sling?  I am imagining Modern Hubby with two toddlers in tow, sitting at the local Starbucks wearing a shirt that says... "Men Who Change Diapers Rule!" while sipping a Latte. 

It's a measly $26.50 for that last piece of propaganda and for as little as $15.00 you can get your hip and modern hands on a shirt for toddler that says " Mama's got my back, and so does Daddy".  Also can someone tell me exactly what the heck is a nursing necklace??  Is there some code or symbol for nursing that I missed in my 24 total months of breastfeeding?  This one was lost on me.  The site also has some wicked cool preggers maternity T's like  "Hot Mom" and "Epidural Schmepidural", my personal favorite.  I picture Modern Hubby driving down the southern California coast line, convertible top down sporting these shirts and a sippy cup.  It is all a little too much for this Midwest Modern Mommy, but I must recommend this site and give it three and a half stars for making me laugh and wish just a little bit that I had a perfect body and a stylish bump to show off.  Again.

Must See TV

Commercials I am digging...

Clear Blue Easy Home Preggers Test:  "...this may be the most sophisticated piece of equipment you will ever pee on..."

Hyundai:  "The Big Duh Sales Event"

ps I recently found out that my blog is Rated R for content.  The spiders that crawled my page found the word breast 8 times, oops 9.  Technically it is now 10.  I am going to clean up my act and run it again.

It May Be Boring, But It's Mine

fold-out couch for children
modern toddler beds
toddler glass slipper
toddler and couch and fold
modern fold out couch
trapped diaper baby body
what is the balmex shelf life

Those are the top search strains for the last few weeks.  I have written about breast feeding, fish, diapers, toddlers, toilet paper, spinach and one simple reference to a fold out couch.  I am boring, and now people know.  They went looking for fold out couches and got breast feeding fish.  Talk about let down.  LOL. Just a little breast feeding joke... nursing moms let me hear you say amen!  Sorry to disappoint the couch readers, but thanks to my loyal friends and surfers who come back again and again.  Happy Wednesday all.

Fish And Breast Feeding

So, Modern Fish is not so bright.  I cannot say for sure, as I do not have any scale on which a person might grade fish intelligence.  I imagine there is one, a scale I mean, not an intelligent fish.  Although they must have those somewhere too.  We keep our below average fish in a little tank in the kitchen.  As I have mentioned I assume him to be a bit dim and cannot say for sure how he feels (if he does) about the parade of tuna, salmon and various other deceased relatives going from boiling pot to plate right before his seemingly blank eyes. 

Also unfortunately for poor little Nemo, August is World Breast Feeding month.  Which is a bummer for the fish because not only is he a HE, but he is alone in the tank and has little or no opportunity to breast feed.  Plus fish do not lactate.  A fish would look weird with breasts, yes?  How many times can a person mention mammary glands in one post.  Once again I will be rocketed into blog fame with my key words today.  I am quite a believer in breast feeding and spent the first 12 months of both my daughters lives doing exactly that.  The rest of the Modern Family can find much pride and accomplishment.  But how inconvenient a celebration for the fish. 

You Like Me!

My new BFF Sonia over at ...and the pursuit of happiness, who is currently in my top 5 must read daily list has bestowed upon me a nomination for the Rockin' Girl Blogger award.  And I quote...

"she (being me) ...writes clever and witty posts and I think is a horribly undiscovered talent who will morph into a megablogger and leave us in her dust soon, very funny and interesting chick!"

Woot, woot!!  I am so honored, seriously.  This is a big deal coming from Sonia who writes a pretty righteous blog herself. 

Back at the ranch.  I am unloading boxes of food for our lunches on stay home days.  Stay home days = Modern Pre-schooler is home and Modern Toddler and I get to play with her all day.  These two days a week are the days we live for cause we have so much fun together.  Not Hallmark fun, more like keeping your sister company while I get few things done so Modern Daddy does not think I sit around watching the new huge TV occasionally throwing fruit and nuts at the animals.  I just called my kids animals.  Might wanna rethink that Rockin Girl Blogger thing. 

Stay home day lunches...I like serving hot lunches around here cause no one really seems to dig on the sandwiches and cold stuff.  We are a pasta and meat family.  So naturally I am a fan of the Hamburger and Tuna helpers.  As I unpack each box Modern Pre-schooler asks what they are called.  I explained.  Modern Pre-schooler now wants to know who is going to help me make it.  I may not have fully explained the merits of the hot lunch plan.

So, there are certain blogs I cannot read without getting insanely jealous.  All that happiness and success.  Please.  Could I be more shallow?  I mean, at least 6 other people think I am clever and witty, 7 if you count my mom but that is more of a legal obligation.  But the thing is, I have these ridiculously normal kids who do not stick things in their noses, put foreign objects in the dryer or even color on the walls.  Except this one single episode with an orange crayon and Modern Toddler's budding artistic talent.  Hardly witty or clever material.  Modern Pre-schooler often mistakes the word Primary for Cranberry, I like that one.  Modern Toddler does like to swish things around in the potty if we leave the seat up, again pretty average toddler stuff.  Not sure if any of this qualifies as horribly undiscovered, although there was this one time when I got a lot of hugs from Mormons and another time when my washing machine spun itself into space and is now washing NASA astronaut's space suits in Florida.  That is interesting. 

Our lifestyle largely depends on what kind of medication I am taking and how well it is working.  It's a crap shoot really, we never know where the Mommy roller coaster will take us today.  Once I completely forgot my husband's instructions and ruined a great pot of chicken soup.  The noodle catastrophe, as we lovingly refer to it now.  I often forget things, little details like leaving wet clothes in the NASA space machine or the fact that shaking the bleach and spilling it can turn a nice black shirt kind of reddish-orange.  Like in an artistic way though.  I still work awfully hard to assure that my parents never get a good night's sleep and if that is not interesting enough for ya, I also love spinach in Macaroni and Cheese.

T-Rex, The Fold Out Couch And Modern Grandma

Modern Hubby too Modern Pre-schooler and Modern toddler to The T-Rex Cafe here in town.  If any of you been to a rain forest cafe or some other place full of lights, animals sounds and screaming kids - you know why I did not go with them.  Also I was working.   They has a great time and Modern Pre-schooler got her photo with a huge t-rex (man in suit), I am actually amazed she was not terrified of the thing and since Daddy came home with the biggest TV known to man, it was only fair for Modern Pre-schooler to get a little treat of her own.  Its pretty cool how easily they are pleased.  For now.

We have had a good week here in the modern family household and are looking forward to the weekend.  Some trips to the pool, a visit to Mommy's favorite place, Super Target.  Modern Pre-schooler got some new dress up glass slippers (what was i thinking?)  We had another midnight vomit and laundry session this week.  Modern Pre-schooler coughed her way into getting sick all over the bed.  I swear, buying that plastic mattress protector was the best purchase we have made in a long time.  Certainly a better  choice than those slippers.

Modern Grandma will be here in about a week to play with us and spoil said modern grandkids a little.  That means someone is getting bumped to the downstairs foldout couch.  Not pretty.  If  I could describe to you the bumps, rebellious springs and various other uncomfortable protruding objects you would see this is indeed punishment.  I am sensing that I will be bearing this burden.  Although the new TV is down there, it just might be worth it to claim this spot.  We are pretty excited and have lots of plans and stories for grandma. 

We also have more change in the works.  Starting next month, Modern pre-schooler will go to school 4 days a week.  We know it is time and will be the best for her, but I cannot help but worry about Modern Toddler's loss of her best buddy for another day.  You can only spend so much time with Mommy before someone wants to cry, and it is usually me.

No funny stories to report today, but I am sure to come through the weekend with lots to share next week. After all, who does not have stories about their kids after two days at home?

The Great Garage Door Caper And The Mystery Of The Missing Keys

Another common and usual Wednesday when the sun came up this morning.  Modern Pre-schooler off to Montessori and Modern Toddler and I left to start our day.  Breakfast, Sesame Street, Slim Fast for Mommy, a little CNN and the little miss plays on the floor.  We decide there is an errand or two to run and off we go.  After the post office, the bank and the grocery store we make home in time for lunch.  More work in the kitchen, some news, a bit of an addiction actually, and more play time for Modern Toddler with her baby doll and shopping cart.  This is serious business - pushing baby doll around and must be done with extreme care.  She rarely charges walls or flips over the cart, or at least this never seems to be her intention.  With M&C happily boiling on the stove, I head off to pull a few things out of the deep freeze in the garage.  Hmmm, the door is up.  I swear I remember putting it down. 

One thing we should get straight... some of the meds I am on have this nasty little side affect called failed short term memory.  What this little phrase is referring to is, for example, this last weekend when Modern Hubby asked me to put the noodles into the chicken soup while he was gone.  In an effort to compensate for my failing memory, he not only set the box of pasta right on top of the microwave ledge, but as we lugh about hese measures, he set the timer so that hopefully when it goes off I will see the bright yellow box and remember my only task while he is away.  I did remember, in fact it was about 2 minutes before the timer went off even.  So proud of myself and lost in this successful moment, I put in about half the box.  Please remember that I used to be smart, articulate, thoughtful and had an amazing photographic memory.  Now I need timers and bright yellow objects to pass through the fog that is my current existence.  So, after adding half the box, I (shamefully) thought that it did not look full enough.  I have been cooking all my life, and I am no slouch in the kitchen thanks to my dad who is a fantastic cook and passed along a few things.  I, of course add the whole box, feeling sure I had made the right call.  About an hour and a half, when Modern Hubby came home for dinner we noticed that the entire box of noodles had sucked up all the broth and left us with delicious chicken, noodles - lots of noodles, and carrots.  Very lucky for me, Modern Hubby laughed and I was relieved to have dodged the bullet.

This is why I cannot be completely sure with out doubt that I put the door down.  After lunch and some cleaning, I gathered up some left over trash from the giant 50" high def plasma TV explosion that hit our life last Saturday.  Opening the door to lay trash in the garage, I notice the door is up again.  This time I will be sure.  I hit the button and walk behind the mini van to make sure I had pulled in far enough and was not triggering the door sensor, telling the door to go back up.  The door closes with out incident.  Ok, maybe I am  as ill as they all say and I write this off to insanity.  After clean up and more shopping cart crashes, I start separating ground beef into freezer bags to add to the deep freezer.  Once more I go into the garage to find... wait for it... the door is up again.  Am I the target of some evil plot?  Some person playing on my weak memory and failing mind?  This time I go looking for the key chain that carries a small garage door opener along with a spare set of keys to our Honda Hybrid that Modern Hubby drives. 

The key chain is missing.

I am now ignoring the garage door and searching for the keys, positive that they are the (pun ahead) key to this mystery.  Maybe if I can close the door with the smaller opener (why do that they call it an opener when it closes the door too?) then I can watch it quietly through the crack of the door and see what the heck is going on.  Convinced that the door has a mind of it's own (the only reasonable explanation) and I will surely catch it in the act. 

Still can't find the keys, until I hear the garage door going up again.  I rush out to foil the dastardly plan and apprehend the culprit when I notice Modern Toddler coming around the corner with baby doll sitting up in the shopping cart.  Assuming it is a Binky clutched in her little hand, I throw open the door and stand there confused.

By now the jig is up and I naturally look down to see Modern Toddler grinning as she pushes the buttons on the garage door remote.  Keys found, mystery solved, Modern Mommy again feeling very silly because this is not even the first time the little sneak found the remote.  As embarrassing as this story is to recall, it is the material we all search for in our daily lives as Mommies and my desire to share what I have learned, far out weighs my shame at my part in this drama.  Happy Mommy Blogging.

The Things We All Might Want To Say But Do Not

Today's Post is not here, it is There.  On my other blog.  The one where I say all the stuff no one wants to hear.  Be back tomorrow, in rare form, as usual.

High Definition Blogging

Modern Hubby brought home an embarrassingly freakish sized high def plasma TV this weekend.  Having a approx idea of what we paid for this monstrosity, I was of course thinking it might have been something we could have lived comfortably into our golden years without even a thought about missing out on one of the supposed coolest piece of technology since the slow cooker.  You know how I feel about chicken.  And garlic.  I feel that way about garlic too.  Anyway, I honestly did not get the fuss.  I do not get the hype about crocs either but that maybe another post for another time.  There I was filled with doubt and judgment.

Then I turned it on.

In other news we also looked into the possibility of moving my bed into the living room.  Don't think that one will pan out.

I feel a bit inspired today, after a really good weekend scrapbooking, laughing until I cried and my face hurt, spending time with my husband and kids, buying outrageous pieces of electronic equipment and almost ruining a perfectly good pot of home made chicken noodle soup by adding the entire box of noodles instead of the 1/3 of the box my husband foolishly trusted I would remember to do while he was out running errands.  I feel like maybe life is not as hard as they say, and surely any thoughts to the contrary must have been a temporary loss of brain function due to excessive worry, stress and anxiety and an utter lack of chocolate in my life lately as I am furiously dieting to loose all the weight previously gained by eating said chocolate.

Happy Monday all!

Why I Never Have Time To Post Anymore

My friend tells me today how busy she has been.  Her family is coming in for a visit tonight and they have been crazily rushing about to prepare.  Up early this morning, she tells her oldest daughter, Modern Pre-schooler's little friend, to hurry up and eat her breakfast so that they can get out the door to finish all their errands.  Fiddling with her cereal and taking up way too much time playing with breakfast, oldest daughter begins to pick at her nose.  Modern Pre-schooler does the same on a regular basis as if searching for her frontal lobe.  Modern Mommy's mommy friend does not pay much attention to this at first and is mostly annoyed that this is all taking so long. Did I mention there is a little sister in the picture just like Modern Toddler?  More on that later.  Modern Friend now catches on that there may be something to this nose thing.  In fact, there is a nasal situation.  Daughter has shoved a piece of mini-wheat way up her nose.  Modern Friend is determined NOT to turn this event into a trip to the ER.  All attempts at removal unsuccessful.  Time wasting.   Meanwhile, previously mentioned little sister has made her way to the bathroom.  Finding an entire roll of toilet paper unattended, decides it must belong somewhere else.  She gently places the roll in the bowl and happily begins to splash about.  Back at the ranch, Mommy friend has invented a way to extract mini-wheat.  She finds a drinking straw and creates enough suction to release cereal just within reach of the very official medical grade household forceps.  No ER, relatively little damage to the bathroom and they were off to buy food in bulk.

Nothing happened here today.

Glad someone had an eventful day with material I could steal, this is called mounting an offensive.  Sad? Probably.  But if I cannot write about my own life, the very least someone else can do is provide me with a story.

If You Give a Mouse A Glass Of Milk Part Two

So the wedding chronicles march on...  As most of their budget was spent on the guest bathroom cabinets, which I hope to snoop through someday, we are sort of working under constraints here so the game is afoot.  Did I mention that it is more than likely that I will not even be attending said nuptials?  Long story.

Dr. appt today.  Kept us waiting an hour this time.  Entertaining two kids under four in a completely not childproofed office.  Weird desk with pointy corners, nearly life size statue of a giraffe, bizarre plastic plants and confusing model of fish trapped in glass paper weight thingy which totally amazed and freaked out Modern Pre-schooler.  About thirty minutes into this Dr watch the chicken nugget chant begins. 

"Can we get get chicken nuggets and fries?  Can we get chicken nuggets and fries? Chi fi? Chi fi?"

Modern Toddler is getting good and imitating her sister and I know she knows exactly what she is asking for cause she gets that little grin when we pull into the drive through. 

We did have nuggets, we did finally see the doctor, we did take naps.  More tomorrow.