Modern Mommy:

If You Give A Mouse A Cookie Part One

He's going to want some more wedding invitations to go with his milk.  I have a reputation.  This may come as no shock that I am infamous in my own family.  I am sure you remember my adventures with the Nascar wedding I was charged with planning.  As it turns out I backed out of most of the planning but did agree to the wedding invitations, bridal shower invites thank you notes, etc.  Again I am contributing to the wedding of a little known cousin who is said to have requested that her invites be classy enough to be framed and hung in the guest bathroom in which her finance just hung beautiful new cabinets.  I cannot say I have ever matched wedding invites to bathroom cabinetry, but I have never been known to shrink from such a challenge.  If you have not had the pleasure, here is a link to "the one where I humiliate my family and provide useful information for the masses".

So back to the latest cousin and her cabinets.  This time I am gonna really check out the competition.  Last time I did little or no research and was lucky enough to make the bride deliriously happy.  However I have been turned on to a site that my sister in law used and I am thinking this is the place for cabinet matching invites.  I think you will find that some of the people in your family are more normal than mine.  Which is not to say that I know what normal is per say.  I just know they are nothing like me and I am not adopted.  Explanation?  The best parents on the planet.  Maybe we should be looking at their invitations?

The beginning is of course the Save the Date Cards.  Lots of choices and since only the official invite has to be suited for bathroom framing, let's assume i have more license with the save the date cards.  I am completely lost at how many choices there really are, and naturally a little jealous that save the date cards were not yet all the rage when I was married.   If you are curious, start at the beginning of my search with me, at this homepage and follow the links like i did.  I am becoming the regular go to gal for all things wedding invites.  Maybe I have a higher calling here.  Although I spilled pasta sauce on the save the date card I picked out for the first wedding, not sure what that means.

I was impressed to learn that an actual engraved invitation was not just a smart remark.  If i had the cash, I would so drop it for these babies.  But what I settled for are these little wedding Mc'invites.  The bride loves purple and there were the best choice out of the worst invitations on the face of the earth.  How is that for a ringing endorsement?  Actually I found many I liked from the original site, but as usual my bug zapping family members would not even recognize class unless it came in matching glasses from the A and P.  Stay tuned as I continue with the wedding chronicles tomorrow...

Californication

Come on over to "...and the pursuit of happiness"  and check me out there, I am just dying to tell you all about my idea of California.  And then I am getting right back into the swing of things here at Modern Mommy on Tuesday.

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

VS

Incredible game!  My hometown team won and won big, a complete shut out!  It was ladies night out at the ballpark sponsored by the American Heart Association.  Pink Hats pink t-shirts, lots of fun!  Glad I went, but so exhausted.  Earlier that day exactly 450 people from Japan landed at the Kansas City International Airport.  You see we have a sister city there and roughly all of them came into town forn a baseball game and some midwest BBQ.  It is like Disneyland around here, only the rides suck and there is much less cotton candy.

Also today Modern Pre-schooler, Modern Toddler and I went to the park with the new BFF's our friends from across the pond.  Scampering about in the water sprayers, all 4 girls had so much fun.  Then after wards Modern Pre-schooler and her Modern BFF sat sweetly in the sun.  No complaints, no getting into trouble, just sitting there together like the 2 perfect angels that they are not!  Mommies sat equally content on our blanket and talked of afternoon tea, knickers and diaper rash.  Fun was indeed had by all.  There is nothing like a little sun, fishy crackers and leaky swim diapers to make an afternoon complete. 

Freudian keyboard mistakes since I had my nails done and cannot type to save my life: Knockers=Knickers (the i and o are so close on the keyboard) sin=sun (again with the dang i and o) So if there is an occasional addition of vowels (that one started as bowels) you must forgive my vanity.  I have not has my nails done in 6 years and I just wanted to feel like a girl again.

Another short, boring and generally uneventful post in the name of sleep.

How Funky Is Your Chicken

Modern Mommy and Modern Pre-schooler have new BFF's.  Modern Pre-schooler finds it hilarious that her new friend uses words like "knickers" instead of panties. New Modern friend says "mummy" in the sweetest little way and we are just loving all the time spent with our new pals.  Much more on this tomorrow.  Early to bed tonight.

Defiance, Affection and Mother of The Year

Modern Pre-schooler, sweet little premeditated angel that she is, has leached onto and holds for dear life to a new way to make me want to pull out each hair on my head and rinse and repeat.

Just as I am about to completely loose it in some sort of primeval way, she demurely drops her eyes to the floor and states, "Mommy, I love you."  Because I am not the normal sort of self controlled and above the nonsense mommy, and her sweet little tone makes me slightly manic, I usually respond with some retort not equal to the moment.  I know you love me, but you must stop hitting your sister with that spatula. After which I proceed to pout and stamp my feet angrily.  Then she stamps her foot angrily and shouts at the top of her 3 year old lungs.  Such a compassionate and seemingly pure offer should put me in my place.  The first few times it did humble me and I scooped her up and loved on her until she wiggled free.

A few things have changed since then.  Now Modern Toddler can smell fear and has an eerie 6th sense when it comes to questionable parental practices like grounding her until she can vote or removing all bath toys for 6 mos.  Modern Hubby likes to ask me which one is the parent and which one is the child, or maybe you two need some time apart.  The little stinker bell just crawls right under my skin, unfolds a lawn chair and sips a cool drink.

"But I LOVE YOU!" 

I can never boast about my girls enough, good or bad, but the bad is funnier. 

No One Cares What You Buy At The Grocery Store, 37 Ideas For Your Blog

So the modern family buys in bulk.  We have one of them big white deep freezers parked in the garage, next to the Honda, and we fill'er  up as often as possible.  Which means that each weekend Modern Hubby comes home with all the normal things a person might grocery shop for, but in "Value" packs of 37.  That is 37 hot dogs, freezer, and done.  We are prepared for a frightening large BBQ.  37 bottles of diet coke, those will be gone by next weekend's trip.  One 37 lb bag of the largest whole wheat spaghetti noodles you have ever laid whole grain eyes on, pantry and done.  One basketball sized can of salted peanuts.  I have no clever explanation for this one except that it is huge and salty.  Pantry.  Two ginormous (now a recognized word by Webster's, I heard this one on the news people, it is for real) cartons of scripture eggs, and as previously stipulated, said religious eggs will probably injure me.  One Clifford the big red dog sized box of waffles.  Too many for even Aunt Jemimah to shake a fork at.  3 bags of bananas so green I thought they were 3 massive bags of cucumbers.  37 Modern Toddler sized drinkable yogurts, cause busy toddlers do not have the kind of time involved to sit down with yogurt and a spoon, places to go and babies to see.  Sometimes Modern Toddler takes her drinkable yogurt on the go and we drink and drive.  Sad little multitasking toddler.  If only her plastic cell phone worked, then she catch up on call backs.  She always lets calls go to voicemail when she is napping.

You see with this kind of shopping you get words like bulk, value, economy and family sized.  It is much like purchasing a new car or running a presidential campaign.  You have to understand the language.  We decided to sit down in the giant store's giant food court and get the freakishly big hot dog and a coke for exactly one dollar and fifty cents.  Modern Hubby is in some sort of reverse sticker shock in this place and cannot get over how much cheaper it all is.  We are now the proud owners of a bottle of Dawn dish soap so big, I plan to reuse it later for the small pony sized Dawn dish soap refill!  Bloody hell this place scares me a little.  But we will save money and should the Perfect Storm ever hit the Midwest, and/or famine, pestilence and other signs of the second coming arrive - we are pretty much covered.

Picture Day

I dunno, what do you think? AND Why do mom and dad keep bringing us here?

I'm relaxed, I am relaxed!  Don't I look relaxed? OR Don't I look exactly like Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen from the baby Full House days?

This is a little something we like to call the money shot.  OR "Daddy just joined the NRA and opened a savings account for bail money and boy are we in trouble" shot.

I Asked The Questions

Herein lies an answer... An email response to yesterday's post.  Powerful words I can only hope to take to heart.  Because of what I believe, my soul is in the right hands, but what of my mind and that of my children?  Read and enjoy.

If you choose unlimited and larger than life love, then you have a right to all the fallout. And if the bipolar perspective chooses it for you, you have the right to see some value in it. And being defined in part by the roles of mother and wife is admirable and appropriately unselfish as well. But "in part" is the operative phrase here. If that is all you are, then you offer these most important people in your life an emotional mirror. When they look at you, they see your "functional self," only who you are with respect to them. It encourages selfishness on their part (you are useful only) and offers them no personality behind the glass; no thoughtful human being with her own ideas about the best use of her, no challenging perspectives that force those you love (particularly your daughters) to evaluate their effect on other human beings; no interesting woman who offers a unique definition of what is to be self-respecting and human. You deny them (and yourself) your own potential. And by example, you suggest that living to one's potential, discovering that potential (particularly as a woman) is negotiable and not quite valid. We are merely (and first and foremost) a reflection of ourselves in others' eyes. There is no need for an interesting, three-dimensional, tested and certified self. Is that really the message you wish to send to your little daughters (and they are doing that learning now) and to those who read your blog? The daughter I believe I know would never "settle" for so little originality in her life. There is nothing wrong with being devoted to one's family, and choosing to be a stay-at-home Mom (it is best for young children). But it brings with it the greater challenge of continuing to grow and mature as an individual without benefit of a job outside the home to push and prod in that direction. It is creating substance in a vacuum. Meeting that challenge, growing as a person who is also a Mom, is also best for young children. Discovering who they are and testing themselves is what they are about for the next several years. How can you not provide the best role model possible? How can they know that it's essential to be self-respecting and fully formed if you are not?  I think this is THE dilemma for women in this society. To define themselves as wives and mothers while still defining themselves as human beings. Somehow these definitions (as nurturer and contributor) have become mutually exclusive, and to be complex as a woman is too complex a concept. What a world. Don't be caught up in that either / or.

Email or post your comments, lets get a real perspective going.  Tell me what you think and thank you email reader, you are, as always, in my head.

Romantic Error in Judgement

So, what's the problem, ever, with being whipped?  You know, head over heels, need them to breathe, grow old with, never wanting to be apart from, in love?  When did all this other stuff about being your own person, independence and self worth suddenly become an either or?  I need, love and depend my husband or wife therefore I have no identity, no self esteem?  I have struggled this past year to understand the differences between romantic love and unhealthy, self destructive love.  As many of you know, some of you may not as I do not often come right out and write about it, I am just a tad bit bipolar.  Which is say that a person is a tad bit pregnant or slightly dead.  I am better medicated than half the Betty Ford Clinic and most of LA, have a good psychiatrist, a great therapist and have recently had a Walgreens named after me.  But along with all the glitz and glamour comes the expected family and marriage fallout.  You see roller coasters are usually only fun for the people who have paid for a ticket, waited in line and chosen to get on.  Not so much for the mental illness crowd.  Now you know, and all your suspicions have been confirmed.  I am in fact, crazy.  While I am comfortable with the term the reality is that nothing makes me feel happier or healthier than poking fun at myself... my illness, my character flaws and my hilarious ideas of life, love and parenthood. 

So what I need to know is when did love get this complicated?  I am certainly a product of too many happy endings, too much Pride and Prejudice and the hopeless pursuit of the real life Rom-Com = romantic comedy.  Thank you LA Daddy for letting me and a hundred or so other readers in on the cool Hollywood screenwriter lingo!  The idea is this: getting to know someone on this kind of personal level is supposed to bond and seal the relationship.  Not so much in the way you might bond and seal dentures, although a relationship lasting long enough to explore such subjects is appealing in and of itself.  But here is the catch.  Getting in someone's head and under their skin also means that you offer yourself up to the possibility of being hurt, right down to the cellular level.  Illness had a way of drawing that kind of line in the sand.  Isn't that why people say the opposite of love is actually indifference?  Because hate is too passionate and powerful to really be that far from the other extreme sport emotions, like love, lust and simultaneously snoring while stealing all the covers.  Game on.  Too much information so far? Buckle up.  Not everyone experiences the magnification of emotion and passion in the way only an emotional ride like bipolar disorder can provide.  It's all bigger, stronger, scarier and much more dangerous.  For said patient and all others in orbit of the illness it may be a tad less romantic.  If this were a poem or a song, I would be the heroine.  Embracing life in an admirable way.  Loving and living with the force of gravity itself.

Long before there was a name for what I experience and the way in which I do, there was a nagging feeling that i existed on an emotional plane slightly out of reach for the people in my life.  But with the bad comes the good.  I love Modern Hubby, Modern Toddler and Modern Pre-schooler with a fierceness unrivaled.  I hope we all feel that way about our families.  For my girls this is fantastic, all encompassing and 24 hour mommy-hood.  As they grow i will have to learn how to rein in the emotions a little and allow them to grow and discover life along side of me, and not in my shadow.  i would like to think that some of what I experience is shared by mothers everywhere.  It is maybe my personal view that is different. 

What holds me back, what hurts the ones I love is the way in which I pull objects, people, time, space and all matter as we know it, into this emotional vortex.  Willing into submission the relationships i should be handling more carefully.  No one can function at this level all the time, and sheer exhaustion knocks off the weaker and less interested of the crop.  Accepting the extremes, which are folded into the everyday, normal day to day details, and being willing to go along for the ride is a choice my loved one must make all the time.  Not a single act of loyalty, love or dedication.  Not a solitary and life spanning promise or vow can suffice.  This comes on and hits like a train, sometimes the red lights flash and you have time to slow down - even stop.  Other times you just hope the airbags work.

So I am whipped.  Hopelessly and desperately in love with Modern Hubby and the Modern children.  I need them in a way that can feel like the slow smothering of a thick black smoke.  What I want to know, is it really possible to co-exist with love?  Tell me what you think.

Little Household Disasters, Happy Thoughts and Nonsensical Ramblings

There was the ketchup and mustard fiasco this afternoon at lunch.  I am not saying it will never come out of the hardwood floor, it's just that the next owners of this lovely house might want to do something about it.  Cut myself on another eggshell.  I believe that I have offended the blogging gods again by not properly siting my sources on that little adventure in plagiarism I like to call the "egg post"  What?  It's not like I am planning to take over the world or anything.  Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.  No less than 2 birds dive bombed our big windows this morning, you can't that get that kind of live action on animal planet.  But how about this not so little fellow?  He just wondered through our yard like he was headed some where important and we were in the way.

Now in other news, Modern Baby Doll is no where to be found today, I got home from work last night and it had disappeared.  No sign of the poor thing this morning.  Thank goodness Modern Toddler has not noticed.  Of course i would not know whether or not she noticed because she cannot talk.  Maybe she is distraught, maybe she does not like scrambled eggs and eats them to please me.  What if peek-a-boo isn't really all that funny?  It's like those people who assume they know what their dog is thinking.  I am not comparing Modern Toddler to a dog, or myself to people who think dogs have complex human like  thoughts... this is getting confusing.  My point is this, I forgot trash day again and soon enough it will pile up so high we will have to park the cars on the front lawn.  What is so complicated about remembering trash one day a week?  Just your daily dose of memory loss. 

Happy thoughts for today.  Lots of hugs and kisses from Modern Pre-schooler today, I just love Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I totally miss the kid when she goes to school.  Lots of fun today with our friends and the weekly playdate.  Splashing around in the wading pool, toddlers running naked in the sun, chicken nuggets and plenty of fun for all.  Gotta love days like this, and all days that I get to be just mom.

The Newest Fashion Craze

I cannot say much for shoes, except what I learned watching Sex in the City.  Ditto for just about any fashion accessory, hand bags, bling and small purse like dogs - or dog like purses, something that barks and matches your wardrobe. Something about the devil and Prada etc etc. But let me welcome you into the modern mommy fashion world.  Slightly less mystery and flash, more cotton and denim.  Today's modern mom is more likely to be found actually wearing food... yogurt, cereal, spaghetti sauce.  You know the drill.  Suffice to say that no one gets out of PJs in this house until you have eaten at least two meals in them.  We have clothes for playing, clothes for portraits and birthday parties, clothes for sleeping, clothes for eating, and most recently clothes for pre-school.  You think your kid comes home dirty? Let me tell you.  There is literally a dirty line where the clothes end and the playground starts.  Even completely naked and ready for bath time, Modern Pre-schooler still looks like she has been body painted like some freaky little anatomically correct life size doll.  And while we are on the subject, let me intro the latest hand me down addition to the modern family, now to be known only as Modern Baby Doll.  This is a scruffy looking doll that Modern Toddler picked up while playing at Modern Mommy's BFF's house.  Modern BFF has 5 children and there are always dolls laying around.  Modern Toddler wanted nothing to do with any of them, until this one.  Now they are inseperable.  Since their first meeting last week, Modern Toddler has not gone anywhere with out Modern Baby Doll.  Eating, napping, playing.  This poor doll just gets dragged along.  I think everyone will be wearing them soon.  You watch.  We find this ridiculously cute right now, and i am sure this will change.  Until then we just play along.  I cannot tell you much about fashion, but I do know what's all the rage in the modern household, cotton t-shirts, sparkling pink leotards and old and gently loved baby dolls.  That is as good as it gets.  Tell me about the toys and things your kids are attached to, and the funny stories attached to them?

 

I'm Just Saying

A very busy week in the modern family household.  The plague seems to have finally lifted and slowly we are all healthy and relatively happy.  Modern Pre-schooler did break out in some mysterious hives, quickly put in their place by some medicine.  Also the long awaited leotard has become reality and Modern Pre-schooler is just beside herself with excitement.  One might have thought Jesus had come again the way this thing had been hyped up by all of us.  This small light pink little thing with a few sparkly rhinestones and a twirly skirt could have in fact come to save us all from sin and death.  Maybe not, but she looks cute enough in it to change the world.  Every time we come home, finish a meal or basically have our backs turned, she sneaks off.  A few quiet moments pass unnoticed then she reappears at the top of the stairs beaming with satisfaction as she twirls in triumph.  You might think we would have picked up on a pattern by now, but the silence is so nice that we are lulled into stupidity just long enough for the little sneak to undress, scatter clothes here and there, pull on the leotard and quietly play until the utter lack of screaming, whining and disturbing of the peace becomes suddenly and uncharacteristically absent, compelling us to yell up the stairs in hopes that she has simply picked up an algebra book and is quietly solving equations.  This is rare and much less likely than the leotard but we are hoping.  What's much worse is that Modern Toddler seems to be learning said sneakiness from her doting big sister and has also achieved the height of silence when she and MP are ravaging some poor defenseless and shamelessly unlocked cupboard full of the forbidden things of child's dreams. 

Most recently, these clan destined partnerships have yielded the tampon and maxi boxes.  Modern Pre-schooler sized up these treasures and deducted that the ultra thin maxi pads must really be very comfortable and self-adhering foot band aids.  They are roughly the size and shape of her little foot and make a funny sound on the hardwood floors.  Modern Pre-schooler on the other hand is fascinated with tampons.  She has yet to find use for the cotton, but rather attempts to whistle through the plastic.  This disturbs Modern Hubby to no end and I know he is secretly hoping to ship them off to some sort of boarding school for girls who refuse to stop growing up.  I call it the peter pan syndrome, and sadly it affects thousands of daddies every year.  The national center for Peter Pan research or NCPPR, sites many causes for this disorder.  A cure is not yet known

Radio Silence

I like to start these posts as if we were already in the middle of a conversation.Commercials that freak me out lately are the ones where people have sprayed febreeze and are now rubbing up against their couches and car seats to smell the freshness.  Creepy.  Or how bout the comfort inn commercials that implant songs into my psyche physically impossible to remove.  Now with Dentempt, you can repair your own broken teeth at home, while taking internet classes to be a veterinarian's assistant.  How is this accomplished by the way, do you just examine the neighbor's cat?  I am pretty sure studying at home should be limited to actual homework involving books, instructors and accredited universities.  But that is the snob in me.  Why do people with fishing rods sticking out their car windows drive so slowly?

I pick Modern Toddler's nose. There I said it. If I see a little bat in the cave, I go in after it. She is my baby, I made her, and I remind her of this while she is trying desperately to swat my hand away. Who wants a baby with yuckies on their face? Or hanging out their nose. Now, be honest, you have done this too. Lauren is 16 mos. now and so in addition to the natural productions, we also add table food such as oatmeal to the equation. This stuff is really sticky, I mean I have perm. scrap adhesive that could not hold on as tight as this stuff. Although, I doubt the oatmeal is acid free and of archival quality.

Now that we have that out of the way, and we are fast friends for sure I should also probably tell you that odern Pre-schooler seems to have taken this procedure as a thumbs up to regularly clean out her own nose. She is not swearing in the hush of church or kicking the you know what out of the dryer (not that she has seen this done) but every time I look down her finger is halfway to her frontal lobe. I suspect the rest of the world does not think this is cute or endearing. Because even other parents have given me the "she learned that somewhere" look.

As you can plainly see by now, regular conversations with a 3 year old had begun to suck the intelligence right out of me. I was just about to sit back down to catch up on fav blogs, and one of the baby's (now disturbingly scary) toys starts singing, at full volume, downstairs in our silent playroom. I have not had a good scare in a while, this about made me wet myself. Freaky little singing puppy toy. Batteries will be falling out and getting lost. Also I might be loosing my mind.  There are always to sides to every story.  Except Darfur.  I can't get on board with what the other side if that story might be.

So I am enjoying the 6 and half minutes to myself, in the bathroom, the other day. These are the good times. Kids pushing on the door, my husband asking the nature (pun intended) of my visit, and how long this will take. And thus the little night time ritual I like to call "everyone hurry up because daddy is tired and wants to go to bed." This is a near frantic rush to get ni-night diapers and PJs on the girls, clean up the dinner dishes, lay out clothes for my preschooler, rearrange the pillows, plug in the baby monitor etc. etc. So I am in the bathroom, speed reading a chapter or two of whatever fiction, non-big purple dinosaur, book without any pictures I am currently enjoying in itty bitty doses. I love to read, and one in a similar position might agree that this is no way to have a literary experience. But my friends, multitasking is a mommy's best friend. Heck, I am tapping my foot and growing hair as we speak. But let's be fair, as badly as my husband wants to get to sleep, I want to get the kids tucked in so I can settle in for some me time.  Fat chance.  Hubby is out of town this week and I have had little or no time to do much of anything, much less blog so I apologize for the radio silence this week.

Role Play

Don't men just have it all made? I think it must be so nice to have such simple roles just laid out for you. I do not have a clue what i think about the "woman's role" We know all the cliches, barefoot, the kitchen thing, have kids and stay home, no kids and the career... or then there are the women who go for it all with grace and ease, bloody hell. I can't seem to figure out who I am from day to day. The men, oh the men. Could it be any easier? True they are forced to live with us, but I just don't imagine them spending hour after excruciating hour trying to reconcile head and heart the way we do. I am strong one day, weak the next. I long to be one of those well adjusted, level headed women who seem to belong where they are at any given moment. My lovely friend Rosie O'Donnell puts rather a fine point on it in Sleepless in Seattle... "Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble." True that. So in all my efforts to force change in everyone but myself, I forget this blinding truth. Oh bother, is it really supposed to be so hard to figure out? Can't people be programmed all their lives to be one way? Social, surrounded by people, in the middle of everything. Then comes this thing called motherhood and suddenly you make a choice, buy a mini-van and try every day to reprogram. Alone is not so bad, conversation with a three year old is enough, sleep is not that important. It is like someone put my life on closed captioning. I can't seem to follow the story and concentrate on what's happening right in front of me. And I am sick of me, Yawn. So sick of myself. Better me, lazy me, impatient and nagging me.

Motherhood can be wretched, bleak... long periods of blah, blah, blah with small rays of excitement and fun. Everyone knows the fierceness of how much I love my babies, I have no interest in any life that does not include being their mom. But don't i get to complain and whine as much as anybody else about my job? If my husband comes home after a bad day and has a little rant, i would not say, "Hey honey, maybe you are not cut out for this life, you better quit and come up with something else." When we were kids and we were busy busy thinking we got a raw deal, our parents suck, life is so hard. It is beyond boring to be stuck at home with our parents, and we wanted to be some where else, or maybe someone else. Who knew our parents were thinking the same thing?

These are pretty hard days, when the kids are so little and the needs so immediate and overwhelming. Maybe i should give myself a break, and try to imagine things a year or two down the road. Kids in school, we are all sleeping, maybe even a date or two with my husband. Ok, now i just have to figure out how to shower, cook dinner and be happy all in one day. Then do it again tomorrow, and the next day...

Don't men just have it all made? I think it must be so nice to have such simple roles just laid out for you. I do not have a clue what i think about the "woman's role" We know all the cliches, barefoot, the kitchen thing, have kids and stay home, no kids and the career... or then there are the women who go for it all with grace and ease, bloody hell. I can't seem to figure out who I am from day to day. The men, oh the men. Could it be any easier? True they are forced to live with us, but I just don't imagine them spending hour after excruciating hour trying to reconcile head and heart the way we do. I am strong one day, weak the next. I long to be one of those well adjusted, level headed women who seem to belong where they are at any given moment. My lovely friend Rosie O'Donnell puts rather a fine point on it in Sleepless in Seattle... "Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble." True that. So in all my efforts to force change in everyone but myself, I forget this blinding truth. Oh bother, is it really supposed to be so hard to figure out? Can't people be programmed all their lives to be one way? Social, surrounded by people, in the middle of everything. Then comes this thing called motherhood and suddenly you make a choice, buy a mini-van and try every day to reprogram. Alone is not so bad, conversation with a three year old is enough, sleep is not that important. It is like someone put my life on closed captioning. I can't seem to follow the story and concentrate on what's happening right in front of me. And I am sick of me, Yawn. So sick of myself. Better me, lazy me, impatient and nagging me.

Motherhood can be wretched, bleak... long periods of blah, blah, blah with small rays of excitement and fun. Everyone knows the fierceness of how much I love my babies, I have no interest in any life that does not include being their mom. But don't i get to complain and whine as much as anybody else about my job? If my husband comes home after a bad day and has a little rant, i would not say, "Hey honey, maybe you are not cut out for this life, you better quit and come up with something else." When we were kids and we were busy busy thinking we got a raw deal, our parents suck, life is so hard. It is beyond boring to be stuck at home with our parents, and we wanted to be some where else, or maybe someone else. Who knew our parents were thinking the same thing?

These are pretty hard days, when the kids are so little and the needs so immediate and overwhelming. Maybe i should give myself a break, and try to imagine things a year or two down the road. Kids in school, we are all sleeping, maybe even a date or two with my husband. Ok, now i just have to figure out how to shower, cook dinner and be happy all in one day. Then do it again tomorrow, and the next day...

Beyond Distraction

I cannot seem to settle on a thought. My mind is jumping from idea to idea, and taking me for a ride today. Nervous energy, restless mind... I can’t get comfortable in my own skin and I have this feeling that I am supposed to be somewhere, doing something else. So I left the kids with daddy for the afternoon to be alone, recover from a long two weeks with little or no time to myself. I have been in and out of most of my favorite places the last few hours, none of them were right. Even walking the floor at Archivers, I still felt off. How can rows of American Crafts ribbon sets not set your heart beating? Literally neck high in Bazill card stock and i was still trying to put my finger on why I could not relax. I do tend to struggle to fight off a little guilt when I am alone. I suppose I have a harder time than most shifting gears out of mommy mode. I certainly have plenty to do, a library of thoughts to catalog and organize. My mind swims when I focus in on a idea, and I so look forward to a little time on my own to execute some of these grand plans. The current distraction is the design for my blog banner or masthead photo shoot. Oh the details. Feng Shui meets motherhood. Part Pottery Barn, part OCD anonymous, this layout is inspired mostly by things already in my home, and all say something about me. I am hoping to convince a great photographer friend of mine to marry her artistry and my manic plotting to coax this image out of my head and on to film. I am a bit consumed by this layout, and I am hoping my scavenger hunt today for additional items will calm the frenzy and I can get back to counting the dust bunnies who have taken up residence on the blades of our ceiling fan, growing hair and otherwise wasting my already unproductive time alone. In this case a picture is worth about 10 words, and having said them all, I best move on. The photo should be up soon enough and there will be, I am sure, much more analysis.

Modern Family Adventures

Sorry for the delay in posting today.  Our bloody internet was out all day!  So... Off Modern Toddler and I go to Gymboree today.  This was not our regularly scheduled class, just a make-up from all the sick days we have racked up.  I thought a Wednesday class would be a good break in the middle of the week, and for that reason alone we selected our time slot.  Seriously...  Never going back to that Wednesday class!  I have been elevated to "the Gymboree class"  I had no idea what I was missing.  First, and let me just get this out of the way, no one is pregnant.  Except the instructor.  This is preferable to being the only non-fertile mom in the bunch.  Not exactly accurate, but you know what I mean.  Let me also say this: The mommies (and daddies for that matter) were so standoffish in the Wednesday class.  Nobody was smiling (at least not at me and Modern Toddler) and no one said hello, here is my adorable child, your's is cute too, I am nice and friendly, glad to meet you and so on.  It was like these people were chunks of ice floating around the room, too caught up in their own kids and their expanding mid-sections to be even the slightest bit interested in the other parents and children.  And hello?  Aren't we there to provide needed socialization?  Please tell me all of you have not convinced yourselves this is about you?  I, on the other hand, am ridiculously friendly (it's true) and i believe that the mommy socialization is just as important.  What kid needs their mom to be wound so tight she cannot form coherant sentances or crack her face with a smile?  We all need each other people, it does actually take a village.  So meet my new neighbors.  Mommy #1 was there with adorable son and daddy.  Came right up to us, said hello, asked Modern Toddler's name and age and visited with us a bit.  Even shared toys.  This is quality human interaction folks.  Mommy #2, also with very cute son: intros all around and we chatted a bit about nothing in particular.  Mommy #3 was sadly also there making up a class they missed on Wednesday!!  She was pregnant and aloof.  Skip her.  Mommy #4, completely charming.  As was her beautiful daughter.  They all said hello, they all seemed to be good people.  I am guessing they were a batch of first-borners, but this does not matter one bit.  They were so down to earth and kind.  We are so done with the Wednesday class.  I had actually gotten a bit discouraged after the last two classes.  Modern Toddler is like a little human barometer and she can smell fear, loneliness or frustration.  Her little moods are directly tied into mine, and I knew she was holding back those smiles because Mommy was uncomfortable.  She was her perfect little self today and I am sold.  PS the instructor from Modern Pre-schooler's very first Gymboree class recognized us and knew us by name, all of us.  She is this sweet mom with kids about  the same age who just picked up conversation with me like it had not been two years since were there.  Modern Toddler was laughing and singing all the way home.  We rolled around on the floor  in our playroom, built Lego towers, had some lunch and went off to a perfect nap.  I believe this child can actually sense Modern Mommy's  love affair with Fridays and has settled right in to her mommy's groove.

I hope you all have such perfect days with your kids.  The ones where you can't stop smiling, loving or hugging each other.  A great gymboree class, playdate or upcoming weekend is not needed for these kind of days either.  Just the sweet moments with the Modern Family is all it takes.  Happy weekend everyone!

Eggs And Injuries

Now that we have all recovered from picnics and fireworks, settled back in to routine and had a moment to breathe... let's talk about eggs.  July 5th was a pretty typical day in the modern family household.  Girls were up by 8:30 this morning.  I know, I know.  That is pretty late actually.  Usually they sleep until 9am, jealous much?  So I am barely climbing out of bed when they are up and ready to play.  We get in to the normal routine, warm vanilla milk, sesame street and a bit of play time before we start breakfast.  I take my time getting to the kitchen and right about the time I am actually awake was the moment I noticed the eggs.  Or rather the egg carton.  Just a small detail really, maybe something most people might miss.  Not Modern Mommy.  And especially not on a day when I did not get a blog post up early enough, and you know that means that I am still looking for material at 10am.  Sad?  Yeah, just a little.  So, the eggs.  I am halfway into cracking the second egg when I see something printed on the inside of the package.  A scripture.  In Psalms.  I did not get the chapter and verse, but the whole thing struck me as funny.  Who doesn't need a little religion at this hour?  I know.  It's not that early.  Play along here.  It's not like I do not find eggs to be inspiring on their own.  On the contrary.  Eggs can and do move me to be a better person, a kinder mom and a gentler wife.  Eggs have been doing that for centuries.

 

I can think of several occasions in American History alone where eggs have played a major role in the development of our country.  Why just this year Craig Schindewolf of Egg Harbor Township High School, Egg Harbor Township, NJ was awarded an honorable mention in the coveted Gilder Lehrman Prize in American History for his piece on The War of 1812.  You laugh but the Gilder Lehrman Institute of American History is no joke.  Neither is Egg Harbor Township of New Jersey.  To look down at the Egg Harbor River today one might have difficulty conceiving this waterway as a bustling artery of commerce over 400 years ago.  Read up people this is good stuff.  How about the medieval technique of tempera painting?  I never get tired of this story.  Seriously.  The word "tempera" derives from the medieval Latin "temperare," meaning blending or mixing. Today, the word indicates a medium bound with emulsions, combined with dry pigments and water. The exhibition considers techniques using both egg yolk (egg tempera) and milk proteins as principal emulsions.  Researched and wrote that by myself, mostly.  This next part is pure plagerism.  "Eggs also have the properties of foaming, coagulating, emulsifying, and coloring, which make them useful in cakes, custards, meringues, mayonnaise, and other foods typical of American culinary taste. Among their nonfood uses: eggs and eggshells are used in fertilizers; fertile eggs are used in the production of the vaccines for canine distemper, mumps, and yellow fever; and egg yolks are used to preserve bull semen for artificial insemination."  Priceless though right.

Now that you are totally grossed out, and forgive me for the adult cow content (can you imagine the Google searches this post will return?  I cannot wait, and I promise to again share the latest search keywords in the next  few weeks!) but the shock and awe was too good to pass up.  I will never eat, prepare or paint with eggs again, but hey who is not up for a learning experience, I was!  I wanted to mention also several injuries I have suffered already today.  The first of course was due to falling out of my chair while writing this post.  Subsequently, I have been whacked in the nose (Modern Pre-schooler) punched in the eye (Modern Toddler) and (completely serious now) cut my finger on a rather sharp egg shell.  Don't even say it. 

Your Assignment For The Holiday

       Happy 4th Everyone!

New Image

Hello folks. My name is Captain Corky. Usually you can find me over at Corky's log, but about a week ago Modern Mommy asked me to write a guest post on her blog. I'm very flattered that she asked.  I met Modern Mommy over at Sunshine's place and I've been following the Modern Family's exploits ever since.  Modern Mommy is fantastic writer and has a great sense of humor.  Now let me tell you a little about me.

Up until I started writing this post I was a pretty vulgar person. I have a tendency to swear too much, even when I'm writing! But all of that has to change, because within the next week or so I'm going to become a first time father.  As a matter of fact my wife could go in to labor today, but she better not  until after I'm done writing this post.  I would just hate for her to have to take a cab to the hospital. 

As part of my new father image I've thrown out all of my t-shirts.  I will now only be seen in a suit and tie.  Maybe on Sunday's I'll wear a polo shirt.  Perhaps when I'm washing my automobile or painting the house, but that's it.  The good news is that I don't have to do anything with my hair because I already keep it nice and short.  No one will ever excuse me of being a dirty hippie, that's for sure! 

I guess there's a lot more to being a father than just wearing a suit 24/7, but I guess I'm just going to have to learn all that other stuff as I go along.  But my new image is a nice start, don't  you think?  I'm even thinking about changing my name from Captain Corky to 1950's Dad, but I'll have to think on that a little. ;)  Have a great 4th of July eveyone.

This Train Never Stops (Which Is Odd Because It Is Always Late)

Light fading, limbs growing cold.  Must move toward the light.  Goodbye cruel world... rosebud! 

Ok, actually Modern Family is sick.  Again.  Or still.  I don't know anymore.  I am on yet another round of antibiotics, for like the 100th sinus infection this year. Not like celebrating the 100th post, but I can certainly name 1oo or so things I hate about being sick.  I won't.  I will spare you.  So, other than the pounding in my head and the ringing in my ears I am fine really.  Oh, there is this cough now...  never mind.  So I went back to urgent care this weekend cause I could not stand it one more day.  I am not sure if they are actual doctors, but this time I at least walked out with antibiotics.  That might have been helpful LAST WEEK!!  But hey, I was cool about it.  Let's just say I am not falling for any more of their smooth talk.  I do not know what they are up to, but I am in charge now and I need drugs!  The group of doctors Modern Hubby and I see also run urgent care on the weekends.  Mostly it is the same as the weekday appointments.  They all rotate on call and since we do not have a copay this year (nice) it is roughly the same as going in during the week.  But Sundays are slower, I try to get sick on Sundays now.  It's just easier.

Suddenly the Modern Family schedule is overflowing.  You might think that a family with younger children might not yet be driving here and there to school events, sports, music or dance classes.  What with mini human gymnastics, Gymboree (also known as the pregnant mommies club, of which I have not been included because, well... I am not pregnant.  They could have been nicer about it though) birthday parties, picnics, summer get-togethers and various other things like work, sleep and showering - we can barely keep up.

Today, we find ourselves on the eve of Tune in Tuesdays.  Remember Miss Sonia Sunshine's Pet Cemetery , the premier post of Tune in Tuesdays?  So awesome.  And LA Daddy's Parental Advisory - Explicit Content post.  A great blog thanks by the way, I am STILL getting "searched into" by the many internet freaks looking for explicit content.  Honestly, if I had a site with this type of content (and yes, I am sending myself to blog hell by even including these keywords again) I would not be advertising that way.  This obvious fact seems to elude some our friends in the blog-sphere. Back to the point.  I am working on a pretty blogtacular guest author for tomorrow. However, there is some question as to scheduling.  In the event that our esteemed guest is unable to post for this week's installment, I will be here to regale you with intentionally mispelled, generally useless information packed into meaningless, if not slightly humorous, posts.  As usual.  Good times.   

This just in.  The incomparable Corky Himself, or Captain Corky as you may know him WILL in fact be making a rare and coveted appearance for this week's installment of Tune in Tuesdays!!  Check him out here, check him out there.  Don't miss this post and don't forget to visit his blog! Go, right now!  And come back often!