New Adventures Of The Old MODERN MOMMY

Total Internet Obscurity

I keep promising an impressive blog remodel, heck i can't even seem to make posting a priority.  Facebooking, twittering - sorry tweeting.  Organization and time management are hardly my strong points but I am tryin'! 

The girls are great, Modern (gulp) Kindergartener is LOVING summer school, and little sister (who has moved into the coveted spot of Modern Pre-schooler) is also a pretty happy kid these days.  Latest adventure? A trip to Children's Mercy Hospital yesterday for possible stitches.  We left with none, thankfully - but there is nothing like a good, deep cut to kick off the weekend.

Still in ridiculously deep like with my man-friend whom you may remember I originally introduced to you as midnight car washer dude. Happily, we will mark 6 mos next week.  Oh so cute, aren't we?  I know I am too old to be tracking relationships in terms of months, but watch as much Hannah Montana and High School Musical as I do and you try not to hear slow motion Disney channel teen-age duets in your head when locked in a great kiss!

I am missing the days when I worked on a computer all day surrounded by other tech-minded IT types who knew all the latest, greatest and coolest technologies, gadgets, apps etc.  I might as well using an Atari right now, I am so far behind.  Got lots of new energy and happiness and i am determined to use some of it to pull myself out of total tech-no obscurity. 

Bumped into some old friends on Facebook and Twitter last night.  I am relieved to see that some of you look as bad as I do, good show.  Way to take one for the team!  To those of you still looking young, fresh and thin - give me a break. You are not fooling anyone.  No one is that together.  Hurry up and tell me what is really going on behind those white smiles.  Loved talking to you guys.  Same time, same place in another 10 years? 

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

There are several questions I need answered.  First, what the heck is double whisked? And precisely what is the difference between whisked and double whisked? More importantly what does whisking do for mayo?  Next, I need to know...  What exactly is the etiquette is for disposable tupperwear?  Do I return it after someone brings food?  And if so then when is all of mine coming back? Clearly, individual results may vary.  Our next puzzler requires a little audience participation.  Which means my loyal 7 readers have an assignment.  As you know each member of the modern family and or friends have cute little titles or nick names.  Well, we are fast approaching another milestone in our home.  Modern Toddler is about to start preschool and Modern Preschooler is about to start Kindergarten.  Other than the brief few months when they will overlap I think we will go ahead and make the official transition now.  So with out further adieu allow me to be the first to present The New Adventures of Modern Preschooler and Modern Kindergartener!

Now for a little neighborhood update because seriously... living here is better than cable some days.  And if you knew my total addiction to TV you would know get how much my street resembles high school.  And high school is never over. Never. I suppose my first little juicy nugget might be considering burrying the lead but after more than a year of self exploration the only relationship Modern Mommy had was with roasted chicken and any carbs I could get my hands on (kind of like plural marriage but with out all that jealousy).  But Modern Mommy has been seeing someone for a few months now, coincidently about the time of my last post.  He is great - so smart, funny and insanely cute.  And one more harmless detail... He lives across the street from me and you might know him as "midnight car washer dude"  Oh yeah... I am now dating someone I blogged about before meeting.  Yikes.  Good thing he doesn't read this thing.  Now all the neighbors are gossiping about us cause high school is never over.  But have I mentioned that my man friend's next door neighbor works with him at the Ford plant? Or that his next door neighbor and his girlfriend have turned their place into the MTV real world including a fine wine bottle collection and a thriving pot business, not for medicinal use.  Then there are the neighbors on the other side who keep another home besides this one so that their grown son can live there. On the other side of them is a great friend of mine who met her squeeze on eHarmony.  A few doors down is the cop's wife who recently had plastic surgery.  Her ex-husband, who lives just a few doors down with his parents, hangs out with the new cop husband that she cheated on him with... and she told me all this herself!  I could go on, but then what will I write about three months from now?  I swear, living here is never boring.

Holiday Markdowns

Things are just about what you might expect around the modern household these days.  We are eagerly awaiting Santa and spending our days making new family traditions.  Modern Toddler and Modern Pre-schooler helped record a new outgoing VM msg and love hearing it played back.  Since we are now snuggled into the cold weather around here a few older and more familiar practices have begun again.  I am going to bury the lead and start with my favorite.  Cold weather = constant sniffles.  Constant sniffles = Kleenex always in my jean pockets.  My jeans always in the dryer with all of my other dark clothes = DLRU.  Yes, daily lint roller use is back with a bullet. Coming up right behind at number two would be all the freaking diamond jewelry commercials.  Speaking of new traditions, I have put this question to my readers 2 holidays running now and all 7 of you put up with it last year.  What gift says "I would divorce you all over again"?  I believe I may have finally answered that question.  Or rather Indiana answered it for me.  That's right, nothing says Merry Christmas like a Planned Parenthood gift certificate.  That's cool. Like ripped jeans and break dancing cool.  So this year I say Merry Christmas and please do not procreate.  I hope the holidays find you healthy and happy, but not (under any circumstances) a parent.  This could be a major break through in medical gift giving.  The advances in proctology alone.  If I even thought stick removal was an option, I surely would have worked that into our settlement.  I love my Modern Toddler and Pre-schooler like there is no tomorrow but let's just say that if they ever have another sibling - it might be better for everyone if he or she came from my end of the pool and a completely different life guard.

If spermicide is not on your list this year, consider the other great holiday ideas I have come across in my travels lately.  First, as I hustled about in my holiday shopping, I passed a nice gentleman and his young son whom I thought might be gathering donations for a good and worthy cause.  Nope.  As I got closer I saw they were standing outside, on a chilly day, holding signs accusing this man's employer (a certain local car dealership just across the street) of cheating him out of $10,000  So this man spent the afternoon teaching his son the fine art of bitterness.  Happy holidays.  Or the cleverly hand written sign perched at a local intersection offering simply "I buy Guns" and a local phone number.  I expect we will hear all good things from this fellow.  Tag me with your favorite unusual or tactless gift ideas and happy shopping from Modern Mommy.

Urgent

Please send road map of Nevada, thirty-five dollars in Canadian currency, a pair of salad tongs and four slices of individually wrapped processed cheese.  I'll explain everything later.

Please forgive the noise and mess around here.  We will remain open during construction.  Hold on everyone, Modern Mommy is makin' changes.

Happy Halloween!